Regretful Love
by My Love Pinwheel
Summary: Unedited: She was diagnosed with cancer when she was young. He was he only friend she had. But then they drifted apart. Why? Read to find out. AxY


Hullo! Editor-san found this on her usb as she was… cleaning?... anyways, she found it on her usb and sent it to me wondering whether I wanted it or not. So I decided to use it cuase this one is actually edited and (in my point of view) much much much, better than the one before. So please enjoy the revised version of **Regretful Love** hope its better!

Regretful Love

_**"I HATE YOU! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! GO AWAY AND DIE!"**_

_Have you ever had a time when you just said something wrong?_

_You didn't mean to say it and yet... it just slipped out?_

_Then afterwards you looked back and wished to undo what you did wrong?_

_But it's too late... The damage is done, and there's no turning back..._

~My Love Pinwheel~

Aoi's POV

I look back and see the memory as clear as day. As I replay it in my head, instead of the hateful words that spew out, I would have waited and listened to what you were going you say and things would have ended happily-ever-after. And you would still be here with me.

But no, it's too late, the damage is done, and you're gone, _forever_...

I was diagnosed with cancer when I was only four years old. My mom and dad were crying the day when the results came out. At that time, I was too young to understand my situation. I tugged on my older brother's sleeve.

"Onii-tan, why is Mummy and Daddy crying?" Natsume just looked sadly at me. Slowly, he reached down and pulled me into an embrace.

"Its nothing, Aoi, it's nothing." Although puzzled, I just nodded. From then on, my mom and dad never allowed me out of their sight, and, if they did, Natsume would always be beside me. To make things worse, I was restricted to the front yard. One day, while I was playing in the front yard (since I had nothing better to do), my stuffed birdie "flew" out of my hand and landed on the road. I started crying because I wouldn't be able to get it back. As I stared at my birdie, a little boy, about my age, came and picked it up.

"Is this yours?" he asked looking my way. I wordlessly nodded. He walked over and handed it to me. When he neared, I saw that he had piercing green eyes that bore into mine. His hair was silver and messy but it looked nice. Thanking him silently, I hugged my birdie close to me.

"Are you new here?" he asked.

"No, it's just that I'm usually confined to the house, and when I'm allowed outside, I'm only allowed to play in the front yard." He cocked his head, a questioning look on his face.

"Why?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Dunno..." He nodded, as if that explained everything.

"So... do you, wanna be friends?" I looked at him, startled. No one had ever asked me that before.

Actually, because of my imprisonment, I had never met anyone my age before, until today. Wait, I forgot to introduce myself.

"Sure! My name's Aoi Hyuuga. Nice to meet you." I grinned at him. "And you?"

"Youchi Hijiri," he said, smiling back. From then on, we were inseparable. Since his house was just across from mine, I didn't have to be leave the "safety" of my yard. Every day was full of fun and games. When I was about six, the Doctor said that I was fine and could now attend school regularly with the other kids. I was so excited that I would finally be in the same class as Youchi.

Years passed and soon we were in seventh grade. For some reason, something seemed to happened to Youchi. He started making fun of me and embarrassing me. At first, I just brushed it off, but soon it became annoying and, well... embarrassing. Also, he started hanging out with his own group of friends. Koko, Ruka, Natsume (we've drifted apart after my cancer got better, but he's still as over-protective as ever), Kitsuneme, Tsubasa, and Yuu.

And I have my own group of friends too: Hotaru, Sumire, Mikan (surprise, surprise! She's Youchi's cousin!), Annie, Misaki, and Nonoko. We drifted apart, Youchi and

I, only talking when necessary, which, in his point of view, is to make fun of me at every thing I say or do. And Mikan has the nerve to say that he actually _likes_ me!

Anyway, junior high passed just like that. Now on to high school... We all attended a school called Gakuen Alice, where all the smart people attend. Well, to tell you the truth, I'M NOT REALLY THAT SMART! So now Youchi has something else to laugh at. I put up with it until he ruined that...

That day, my high school crush, Rei Serio, was going to ask me out.

"Um... Aoi?" He asked when everyone had left the classroom.

"Yes?" I asked, blushing at his voice. He was cute and funny. Unlike SOME jerk. _'Wait... why am I thinking about him? Shoo, go haunt someone else's thoughts!'_ I mentally slapped myself and looked expectantly at Rei.

"Well... I was t-thinking that y-you and I-I... well... you know..." An annoying voice cut him off.

"Do you know that Aoi still sleeps with her night-light on?" Youchi popped his big, arrogant, conceited head in. Rei was shocked while I was infuriated and embarrassed. Rei slipped out of the room in silence.

"Wait, Rei!" I cried reaching after him. "YOU! WHY THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT!" I turned and glared accusingly at Youchi.

"I did that because I —It was just a joke! I didn't mean too... I mean I meant to... NO that's not it!" I snorted at his excuses.

"Yeah right! You 'didn't mean to.'" He held up his hands in defense.

"Wait! Let me explain!" I narrowed my eyes at him. That was IT! My last sliver of patience slid down the drain. I exploded.

"THERE'S NO NEED FOR EXPLAINING! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY LIFE LIKE THIS? IS IT BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE ME? HUH? IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME, INSTEAD OF IGNORING ME AND EMBARRASSING ME LIKE THAT!" I stopped and breathed deeply. Whew, need to

breathe. _'Don't get so worked up now, Aoi, it's not good for your health.' _I mentally chided myself.

"No! It's not because I don't like you it's because-" He flushed bright red.

"Because what! YOU _LIKE _ME! _YOU_ LIKE _ME_! Like I will _ever_ believe _that_! **I HATE YOU! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! GO AWAY AND DIE**!" With that, I stormed off, leaving him behind.

That night, my cancer came back ten times worse than before. I was quickly rushed to the hospital, barely conscious. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was that I might die…

I opened my eyes to see a butterfly flitting by. _'Kirei~~~'_ I gazed upon it in awe. My eyes followed it as it danced through the sky. Slowly, I held out a hand and it landed on my finger. Smiling, I took note of my surroundings for the first time, drinking in every detail.

Surrounding me was an open meadow with flowers of every kind. Its was like God had blessed it with the colors of the rainbow.

_'Where am I?'_ I thought, _'Am I in... _heaven_? Wait... who's that?'_ I squinted at

the figure standing in the middle of the meadow. Letting the butterfly free, I took my time, walking down to that figure. I gasped, _'Can it be...?'_ I broke into a run as I neared the figure. The figure turned around, revealing himself to be Youchi. I stopped before him.

He was crying and laughing at the same time.

He pulled me close into a hug and whispered, "I love you, Aoi, I always have. Farewell, 'Till we meet again." He started to disappear into dazzling light.

"No! WAIT! Youchi! I haven't said sorry yet! And what do you mean by 'Farewell'? I didn't mean it when I said for you to go die! Come back!" I desperately grabbed at the dispersing light. Suddenly I felt dizzy, the world was spinning, and I was falling...

With a gasp, I sat upright. All I saw was white. I was in the hospital, with the Doctor consulting with my dad. When I gasped, they turned around. My dad's eyes lit up.

"Aoi~ Your awake!" he ran over and squeezed me. I pushed him away, eyes darting around.

"Where's Youchi! Where is he!" I swung myself off the bed and staggered towards the door. The Doctor gently pushed me back to he bed.

"Rest, we'll answer later, for now... just rest." He kindly said. I shook my head.

"No! Tell me what happened! Where is he! WHERE IS YOUCHI!" My dad helped the Doctor pin me down onto the bed.

"Sleep." he ordered, his voice rang with authority. Startled, I meekly obeyed.

"Good." was all he said and left the room with the Doctor in tow. The next thing I knew, I had drifted off to sleep. Youchi haunted my dreams, with the same loving look that he had when he confessed to me in my... first dream... When I woke up some time later, I grabbed the first person I saw sitting on the chair close to the hospital bad, who turned out to be Mikan.

"Where is Youchi?" I quietly asked, dreading the answer.

"He..." Mikan looked up with grief in her eyes.

"He...?" Mikan shook her head and continued to gaze at the floor. Being the stubborn, insistent person I am, I grabbed onto Mikan shoulders.

"WHERE IS HE?" I sobbed, shaking uncontrollably.

"He's dead," the quiet voice replied. Mikan looked up and sadness clouded her eyes as she gazed into my eyes.

"He's... dead?" I slowly repeated. _'He's dead... He's dead and you never got to say sorry, nor tell him that you never really meant that he should die… and worse…' _Fat, salty tears leaked out of my eyes as I clutched the side of my bed… and I began to weep.

'_You will never get to say how you feel...'_

O-kay! So, how was it? Good, bad? Anyways, please R&R!


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